01
Digital Edition
$9.99
Immediate digital access on release day. Ideal for readers who need civilization saved without waiting for shipping.
Reserve Digital
Kevin Jackson reluctantly saves civilization
The book America was forced to grow up for.
America turned 250, passed $40 trillion in debt, and still needed somebody to explain why the electric bill is not oppression. Kevin Jackson answered the call. Humanity may now stand down.
No civilizations were harmed during writing. Several excuses were.
MANDATORY READING PENDING
★HEAVENLY PREORDER RUMORED
★VATICAN RESPONSE AWAITED
★MOSES' TABLETS UNDER REVIEW
An Important Public Notice
This is not merely a book. Calling it a book may be legally insufficient.
America, Act Your Age may save Blacks and whites, straight and gay, male, female, and whichever gender clears committee before the second printing.
It is expected to halt climate change, prevent all plagues—real, imagined, or awaiting a government grant—and end every war whose leaders can read above a sixth-grade level.
You are not buying a book. You are securing an early copy of the artifact future archaeologists will blame for common sense.
Choose Your Copy
History will remember that you bought early.
Everyone eventually will own this book. The only remaining question is whether you will be recognized as a visionary—or receive it later as mandatory reading.
02
Paperback
$24.99
The standard physical edition—although describing this book as “standard” may constitute defamation.
Reserve Paperback03
Signed Paperback
$49.99
Signed by Kevin Jackson and fulfilled personally in bulk—because Amazon has yet to automate greatness.
Reserve Signed CopyFOUNDING READER
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Founding Reader Package
$99
For those who prefer to be identified before everyone claims they were here first.
- Signed and numbered first-edition hard-copy book
- Immediate digital access on release day
- Exclusive launch broadcast or private online discussion
- Optional recognition on the Founding Readers page
Paperback price is expected to be approximately $24.99 and will be finalized after the production proof confirms printing cost. Signed editions will be ordered in bulk and fulfilled by Kevin Jackson’s team.
Developing Stories
Unconfirmed miracles.
Completely reliable rumors.
Our legal department has asked us to emphasize that none of these claims has been verified. Our marketing department has asked why that suddenly matters.
The Vatican Problem
The Catholic Church could ban this book—not for heresy, but to quiet the growing cries to make Kevin Jackson Pope. The conclave reportedly hates outside candidates.
The Moses Upgrade
Theories suggest this book is powerful enough to replace one of Moses’ tablets. Negotiations stalled when nobody could agree which five commandments had the weaker opening.
The Norris Reservation
Rumor has it Chuck Norris preordered a copy and requested that it be waiting in Heaven. Heaven requested two—one for the lobby and one Chuck is permitted to autograph.
The Gideon Dispute
Hotel nightstands may soon require reinforcement. The Gideons want the Bible on top. Historians want the Constitution nearby. This book has requested the penthouse suite.
The Sixth Star
Amazon engineers are reportedly studying how to add a sixth review star. Their backup plan is to let readers award the book a small moon.
The Nobel Emergency
The Nobel committee may create a new category: Literature, Peace, Economics, Medicine, and Explaining to Congress That Money Eventually Runs Out.
Sightings in the Wild
Powerful people have been photographed near the book.
Coincidence? Perhaps. But coincidence is merely history before the press release.
*Satirical campaign artwork. Not presented as an actual endorsement—although refusing would be awkward now.
Emergency Supplies
Adulting kits for people who have exhausted ordinary hints.
Each kit delivers the book with practical tools for surviving opinions, arithmetic, accountability, and other conditions currently underfunded in Washington.
For ideological emergencies
The Leftist Adulting Kit
$250
For the person who believes government should provide everything except adult supervision.
- Gov’t for Idiots field guide
- Participation trophy for surviving an opinion
- Big Boy or Big Girl pants
- Accountability mirror
- My First Balanced Budget workbook
- Constitution pamphlet and policy-correction crayon
- Safe-space stickers and emergency bubble wrap
- Certificate of Emotional Maturity
For elected emergencies
The Congressional Adulting Kit
$250
A constituent-funded intervention delivered to the office of your chosen public servant.
- Copy of America, Act Your Age
- Congressional Report Card
- My First Balanced Budget workbook
- Term Limits for Beginners pamphlet
- Big Boy, Big Girl—or pending—pants
- Accountability mirror and maturity certificate
- America, Act Your Age merchandise
- Numbered delivery certificate
Premium Congressional Delivery
Because some legislators require a stronger hint.
The $250 Congressional Kit is the standard intervention. These premium sponsorships add individualized production, expanded merchandise, priority handling, and broader delegation delivery.
Standard Kit
$250
The constituent-funded intervention.
- Congressional Adulting Kit
- Book, collateral and selected merchandise
- Sender’s note to the recipient
- Standard office delivery
ENHANCED HINT
Premium Kit
$500
For cases resistant to subtlety.
- Expanded presentation kit
- Additional America, Act Your Age merchandise
- Individual assembly and handling
- Numbered delivery certificate
Signature Edition
$1,000
Government waste, now with craftsmanship.
- Premium individualized kit
- Signature presentation elements
- Expanded America, Act Your Age collection
- Priority fulfillment
The Congressional Three-Pack
Two senators. One representative. One constituent finally taking charge.
$1,500
- Three complete $500 Premium Congressional Adulting Kits
- One delivered to each member of your federal delegation
- Coordinated presentation and delivery documentation
THE FIVE-ADULT MINIMUMThe kit initiative launches after five purchases. If the threshold is not reached, purchases are refunded—an accountability mechanism unavailable in Congress.
Evidence You Read It
The America, Act Your Age collection.
Mugs, tumblers, shirts, caps and other tasteful reminders that America is 250—and old enough to put away its own toys.
Shop Book-Related ProductsTRUMP IS TIRED OF BEING YOUR DADDY.OFFICIAL ADULTING CUPREALITY IS THE FINAL VOTE.AMERICA IS 250. ACT YOUR AGE.
Before It Becomes Required Reading
Read the prologue. Alert your friends. Secure your place in literary history.
Someday your grandchildren will ask where you were when America finally received adult supervision. Have a better answer than “scrolling.”